still in the world of denial

This entry sounds like i'm contradicting myself (according to my previous entry).
I can't help it.

I still can't believe it that it has ended.
All that we trained for...the hardships..the thick and thin we went through together...ended just like that.
The disappointment not being in semis still lingers around me. And I believe the others too felt the same way.
All the praises of good game, excellent play, nice game i received yesterday don't really make me feel better.
Call me sore loser for not being able to accept defeat, but I think if you are to be in our shoe, you'll feel the same way. I believe it will take time for me to be able to accept it but deep down in my heart, the feeling will remains.

There is so much more that we can give but it was cut shorten. ABRUPTLY.
IF ONLY we were consistent through the 3 matches, this feeling won't exist. but again, IF ONLY.
I thought i am strong, I can accept defeat but when I'm alone, the feeling consumes me.
I sent out 3 articles I find inspirational to the team...everytime when I'm down, I'll read it and it made me feel better. But when I'm all alone, the feeling comes again. No single word in this world that can describe my feeling. All I can do is sigh. But whats the point? It over! It will never come back. That moment, that last 20seconds, will never come back no matter how bad you want it.

What has happened, you have to let it go.
Get back into reality. Accept the fate. You cannot hold on to it. Because there's no point holding and clinging onto something which you know that cannot be yours.
This defeat only test your character. How strong you are. How fast can you get up.

The shinning trophies and medals will fade through times. It may even be misplaced. But the memories will always remains in our mind. Winning is not everything. Some one has to win, some one has to lose. This time, we lost. We may have lost in the championship, but we have won in many other areas. The friendship we forged, the bonds we formed, the memories we had from spending time together, all that can't be replaced by a medal.

Regrets? No.
No point regretting it now.
Let is go slowly and carry on with life as per normal.
Let that experience make you a stronger and greater person.

Its only IVP. If you can't accept losing this, how will you face a greater challenge in life?
Let it go.....

Come back as a greater and stronger person.
We will be back....
We lost, we lost with dignity.

Success does not consist in never making blunders, but in never making the same one a second time.
Josh Billings

oh ya before i go off to sleep...i feel like saying this out.

Finally finally...i managed to received properly a centre pass! Last game, i keep on missing it. hahah...
Kena tekan by Jill last training. So i remembered and i managed to do it! weeee.....almost scored but aiya..
hit the goalie...wat a waste!
never mind...just didn't manage to do a wrist shot.


hoping he'll say yes.

okies...off to sleep..
will have 3 hrs of sleep...crap!
need to wake up by 6am tmr! SHIT!

haiz...i seriously like no mood to type this...but i feel like i have to type it out.
this entry will be in a mess cos i'm just typing it out following what comes to my mind..

Draw with RP = not going to semis cos they won us by goal difference. sigh.
Will be lying if i say i'm not disappointed. But, i believed the TEAM has really put in their 125% for the game and we all played well as a TEAM. Up to Jill's expectation. YAY!
No scolding from her. double yay! Instead she said "Excellent play!"
The way we played today compensate my disappointment.
I tried to see if i can be disappointed for not being able to go into semis but it seems that i failed. cos i know I and of course the TEAM really played well. All i can do is just...sigh...sigh.
only if we had played better and win SMU by a bigger margin...
all i can do and say now only if...only if...
sigh again....
never mind..its not the end of the world. its just a game.
One more IVP for me...
I think we really gave RP a great fight. mission accomplished!

if we can play as a team in league...OMG! It will be freaking cool.
Jill said if we are to form a league team, she will play for us...OMG...how cool can that be?
like seriously....but i guess a dream that might not come true. sadness....
but seriously..can we?? can we?? haahaa.

today's game got 2 box play...
1st time i played in a box play...weehee!!
i tot i did pretty well in it...lucky practiced it before the game...Jill like can predict someone will kena 2 minutes...hahahah....

enough of today's game...sigh.
looking forward to the team's party!yay!
can we go botanic garden again?? can we? hahahaah....

the feeling for not going to semis is not as bad as last yr's IVP when we lost in the semis to SIM.
OMG...that feeling was the most horrible feeling i ever had..
but today...i really feel proud. (only with a lil tiny winny disappoinment deep down in my heart).
not end of the world....

now get myself into the league mood.
preparing for league now. haiya....
i wonder why i seems to be unable to find the love in that team as i find it in my IVP team?
Its not about them...its about me.
I'm so so so so so gonna miss this IVP team.
Hopefully, Jill can coach us again! I want her back! Seriously....

She's the bestest coach i ever have in my entire sports life. seriously...no joke!
I love the team and i love the coach! Please come back to coach us!!!!!

haiz...hopefully i can sleep well today.



The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.
-Martin Luther King Jr.

Its freaking fast that today is Thursday. Seriously freaking freaking fast!
Anyway, i still assume that today is Wednesday.

Kind of just got back training. Reach home @ about 12am. Great right? Who end training @ 11pm? The NTU IVP Ladies TEAM (note its TEAM not team). heehee...

Before training, went for a ~20minutes jog with the team. The feeling is shiok! Quite sometime since i went for a run...heehee...busy la with all these IVP games (shouldn't i go for more runs instead?? hmmmm). Anyway, feeling was greaaaaaat!

Training today was pretty tiring and frustrating.
Earlier part of the drills was basically pass,shoot--push ups--then pass, shoot --push ups--then pass, shoot--star jumps-- and it goes on and on and on...
then came another drill: pass,pass, pass--push ups--then pass, pass, pass--push ups--then pass, pass,pass - star jumps--then pass, pass, pass again--sit ups..and again it goes on and on...
A simple drill but it takes like forever to get it right and up to Jill's expectation. I was kind of frustrated and irritated in the first place...but hey! it takes two hand to clap! Its ok to do mistakes during training and the push ups rather than do it during games and they scored.
After few tries, yay! we managed to get it right and up to her expectation. The reward? water break!
Then game time...hmmm...pretty ok..CALM! CALM! CALM! CONFIDENCE! TRUST!

In the end, we all learnt something (i hope everyone did, but of course i've learnt something).
Ended training @ about 10.30pm.
As usual, debrief by Jill plus her motivating speech (heeheee)....we ended about 11.10pm.
My bro waited for me for about 1hour la...opppsss....
Went to the car, Jill's car was just beside my brother's. My brother told me..."so late....." and I just point him to her...hahahaha....

Been busy with IVP games and trainings...i feel like i got no time to read through my lecture notes..
by the time i reached home from games or training, my brain just wanna rest.
From now, i can't start a late revision cos there's lotsa thing to rmbr.
Pharmacology is not a joke man...~200 drug names i have to remember! who the hell who do that man?
Quite lucky League do not start till April. But April is exam period! Another crap!

Friday, a do-or-die game.
Pressure to win. BUT OF COURSE...NO STRESS NO PRESSURE!
PLAY YOUR BEST. NEVER TO LEAVE THE COURT WITH REGRETS!
NOW ITS TIME TO SHOW WHAT I CAN DO AND MY HIDDEN POTENTIAL!
SO RP PLAYERS WHO ARE CONFIDENT THAT YOU CAN WIN THIS GAME, WATCH OUT FOR THE NTU TEAM WHO WILL NOT GIVE IN!
NTU WILL GIVE RP THE HARDEST FIGHT IN THE FLOORBALL LIFE!

btw, game @ 8.30pm. SUCK!
Won't be 8.30pm..will be 9pm game! wth???
I hate the timing for this IVP season.
imagine you are so into the game then the lights went off...wtf?

okies...running out of idea.
i think my entry kinda long.

ok....won the game yesterday. yay!
but it wasn't a happy good winning. kena scolded by Jill somemore...
like damn rabakz (something like horribly)...
i think we deserved it.
didn't play up to our standard.
we could have played much much better than that..

i seriously wonder why did we play like that last night?
or why did i underperform last night?
over confident? - NO
nervous? - NO
too focus on winning the game? - maybe
not calm enough? - i think so
no vision? - one of the cause
no communication? - a bit
but seriously la...why? why? why?

must step out of comfort zone...learn to step up!

if we are going to play like that...17 Jan will be our last IVP game for this season.
but i think all of us have learnt from yesterday's game.

-sigh!

why life is unfair?
why it cannot be effort = good results?
why?

sigh........

never mind...take it..swallow it..

hard luck...no luck...thats all i can say.
played so hard, played well, had so many chances yet.....haiz...
disappointed? yes...of course. but there's nothing we can do. make do with what is left.
2 more to go...no matter what, must win.
expectation too high? hmmmm...

nothing is impossible.